Highly Sensitive People + How You Can Help
Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) is a term Dr. Elaine Aron coined in her groundbreaking book, The Highly Sensitive Person, in 1996. She identified that about 20% of humans have neurological differences that lead them to receive, process, and become impacted by information differently than others.
HSPs perceive and process more details than the average person.
Just as a strainer with small holes requires one to pour slowly or can become stopped up by too-big-of-pieces, brains that are processing lots of tiny details also become flooded when there is too much information received.
So…., wait, what is a highly sensitive person?
In short, a highly sensitive person is someone who processes information differently than the majority of the population. This is a trait someone is either born with or not. Because HSP brains are taking in so many details, they can become "filled" more quickly — and therefore, they can become over-stimulated (and upset or distressed) much more easily.
How do I know if my child (or myself) is a highly sensitive person?
Being highly sensitive is often confused with other things. Shyness and/or anxiety are not part of being an HSP, but HSPs can feel and act this way if they are over-stimulated, told they should be different, or develop low self-esteem.
(Click HERE to take a quick test to help you distinguish if you may be a HSP or not.)
How can I best support by child, if they are a HSP?
HSP children need more time than average to process new or exciting things. You can help them by making sure they have time buffers (downtime) between activities, and especially between extra-exciting activities or events. Unstructured time is helpful because it allows them the freedom and space they need to process and release the high amount of sensory info they would otherwise carry.
Another very important thing you can do is regulate (or buffer) the amount of information your child receives. The younger the child, the more important this is.
HSP children get flooded easily, and when flooded, they become uncomfortable, which can quickly turn to distress.
This can be resolved by taking them out of the over-stimulating situation and understanding what they’re experiencing. (Parent attitudes hugely impact HSP children.)
You can also help your HSP child by learning how to read their cues and learning how to help them deal with overwhelm. Receiving this type of help from you can help them learn how to help themselves as they grow.
What isn’t helpful to an HSP?
Trying to get them to change.
They can’t change. Being highly sensitive isn’t their choice. If you try to make your child different than who they are, you will inadvertently cause (or add to their) feelings of inadequacy, helplessness, overwhelm, anxiety, and low self esteem. : (
A question I get all the time: "I don’t want to enable behavior in my child that will not serve them later in life. Isn't it my job to help them get stronger, so they can handle the world, as they grow up?"
Here’s the thing. If your child is a HSP, you trying to change them will literally only hurt them. HSP are as strong and as viable as any other human - they are just DIFFERENT. HSPs have different needs and sensitivities, like needing more downtime or disliking loud noises. Because they are more sensitive to sensory input, they simply need you, their parents, to regulate the amount of info that comes in, help them learn how to help themselves when and if they become over-stimulated, and then help them learn how to develop ways of life that can help them cope with, manage, and even benefit from their sensitivity as they grow.
What else do I need to know?
Many HSPs are artists, helpers, deep thinkers, intuitives, and very talented people who care deeply. Many of the people who are most driven to make positive change in our world are HSPs.
Just like an orchid is beautiful and rare, but won’t flourish is any type of environment, HSPs also need a certain set of conditions to bloom. Find these, and help your child develop these, and life can be beautiful.
To learn more about Highly Sensitive People, click HERE.